GAINING BALANCE WHEN YOU’RE PULLED IN ALL DIRECTIONS

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How can you live a balanced life when you’re pulled in many directions–and all of them are important! Achieving balance is one of the most common challenges my clients mention, and was mentioned across the campuses I interviewed this spring.

Can the SMART goal approach help you live a balanced student life? That’s where the “A” or Achievable aspect of goal setting comes in. No one would hope to achieve an Olympic Gold in gymnastics and a Nobel prize in physics the same year. Not achievable. Yet many students feel they should aim for a 4.0 average, strong team sport participation, heavy volunteer work in their targeted profession, extensive parent involvement in their children’s education, a meaningful social life, extra hours at their part-time job, polish their music skills, support their political team, attend to spirituality, and follow a solid self-care health regime.

They feel overwhelmed and disheartened. Too discouraged to plan because there simply isn’t enough time for it all. Paradoxically, goal setting and planning are the key to getting out of that funk. September goes by quick: You don’t want October to hit like a brick. Prioritizing now allows you to schedule so that what is most important to you is what gets priority in your scheduling.

Blocking off time to plan and schedule each day and blocking off time each weekend to take a broader view of progress yields far more actual achievement in all goal areas than just tackling the many demands as they present themselves. So pencil in that scheduling time—you can adjust it later if need be.

Having blocked off that regular scheduling time, here are the next steps for your Draft Master Plan for a Balanced Life:

  1. List your life areas that need your attention, time, and action during this term.
  2. For each area, write out a SMART goal (from my last two blogs, those goals will be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely).
  3. Now prioritize how important each area is to you. Use a rating scale for values. Children and relationships usually rate high in value, and so does an achievable GPA at this stage in your career. Job success usually isn’t as high in value, yet is important in terms of paying the bills.
  4. You likely can now forsee potential conflicts–children and spouses vs. GPA. Or expanded social life vs. sports training. 
  5. When you see these potential conflicts in terms of the demands they can place on you, you can take control in several ways. You can
    1. Modify your goals by redefining what is achievable in the light of your whole life commitments and priorities. 
    2. Get creative!! Seek alternatives–especially alternatives that save time. For example, plan date nights with your partner. Plan children’s activities. Swap parenting duties with friends and neighbours. See if you can wangle paid volunteer work rather than volunteer plus job job. See if you can find work and volunteer activities close to home or campus to save travel time. Enlist family or roommates collaboration to reduce chore time. Spread your lab courses across different terms, where possible. The possibilities are limited only by your ingenuity.
    3. Be prepared to make tough choices as life happens. Your choices will be in line with your values and priorities when you have established those priorities at the outset. You will have far better results than if change and choice happen by default. 
  6. Notice this is a DRAFT Master Plan. Expect the unexpected. Be prepared to adjust, sometimes in your weekend review, and sometimes on the fly.

Here’s an example of a common conflict, where children’s sports and school performance activities are not scheduled around parent’s other life commitments. A student had the SMART goal of gaining a competitive GPA to gain entrance to grad school. They also had the SMART goal of attending their son’s sports and school activities. Wouldn’t you know it: Their son’s school performance came during the parent’s scheduled final exam. Deferring the exam was not possible. Here’s how the parent got creative: They arranged for a friend to record the performance and the child knew it was being recorded for Mommy. Mommy invited family and some of the child’s friends for a special viewing and food. Tough choice plus creativity were possible because of prioritizing and scheduling ahead of time.

One last word: Plan and prioritize for something that brings you joy in and of itself. It may be hiking. It may be writing poetry. It may be singing in the shower. But one thing, every day–a bit of joy just for you.

See you next week for more specifics on challenge goals. In the meantime, if you are stymied about how to get it all done, connect with me for strategies that will gain you a more balanced term [email protected]

The information in this blog cannot take the place of support from your own mental health professional or community health resources. Reach out to them. And IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS PLEASE DIAL 911.